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An EQB Interview Series | Part 2 Feat. @Darknightmusic

I appreciate all the kind words and comments following the first interview I completed with Savon. Once that ended, I already started brainstorming on who I would like to speak with for the next one and I approached Jared Azaziah (@Darknightmusic) pretty quickly and thought it would be a great fit, especially for the vast majority of Joe Budden fans. He has been a music producer for a number of years and in my opinion, was a huge part in the success of the Joe Budden ‘Love Lost’ series.

Enjoy.

1). You posted a conversation on your Twitter recently of a text thread with Joe when you sent him the “Poker In the Sky” beat that you worked on with 8 Bars. Can you describe the feeling when an artist reacts the way he did?

“It’s always humbling to see an artist you’re working with, like the work you’re doing together, especially when they admire it in that way. It’s always been a little different with Joe though because I’ve always been such a big fan of his, his music has always meant so much to me personally, and then on top of that we built a real friendship as well.”

 

2). When did you start producing music and what was the first big moment when you realized how special the music world would be for you moving forward?

“Music has always been an integral part of my life, but I started actually producing when I was 16. My older brother & 8 Bars have known each other since I was 12, and I was always around for their studio sessions before, and always found samples for 8 to use, but every time I tried to make a beat myself, I could never get the drums right. One day when I was 16, I was in between jobs for the first time, and I was messing around in fruity loops with the sample to Jay-Z’s “What More Can I Say”, I made a simple chop, and did a simple boom-boom-clap drum pattern on it, I sent it to 8 & he told me I finally got it right, and I was hooked ever since then. I knew all I wanted to do in life was make music after that.”

 

3). You’ve produced a handful of records for Joe Budden over the years, how did you two get connected and what was it like working with him? 

“I’ve been a Joe fan since the clue tapes before Pump It Up & his debut album, and he’s been my favorite rapper along with Hov since the first time I heard “walk With Mee”, so I followed him very closely throughout his career. I used to go on joebuddentv.com, I befriended a guy named Thugsy, who got the beats from Jared F to Killa BH for “Escape Route.” I asked Thugsy if he would do the same for me, he genuinely liked my work so he put me in touch with Killa BH and I started sending beats back & forth to Brandon all the time. Brandon always liked what I had, but Joe never liked anything until “Inception”. When they finally chose a song, I almost fainted, lol. I couldn’t believe my favorite rapper was actually gonna rap on my beat & release it. We didn’t really connect on a personal level until about a year later when he followed me on twitter, I got into his fantasy football league, and after that, we really built our friendship, but that was how it initially started. I don’t know where Thugsy is now, I haven’t talked to him since Joebuddentv.com ceased existence, but I will always remember him and be grateful for him connecting me with B, and then B connecting me with Joe.”

 

4). What was the first record you sent him that was used? 

“I sent a bunch of beats to Brandon for about 8 months, all of which he liked, but every time he took them to Joe, Joe shot me down. Then in the summer, when the movie “Inception” came out, I went & saw it with 8 Bars on opening weekend. I’m a Christopher Nolan stan so I see all his flicks right away, and I was blown away by both the movie, and especially the soundtrack. Hans Zimmer is the composer, he’s another one of my biggest influences, so I knew I was gonna be blown away by the score, but never imagined the impact it would have on me. I went home from the theater, immediately downloaded the score, threw together something in fruity loops sampling one of the songs & thought nothing of it. A few days later, Joe said that they were having a listening session on BlogTV, where they were gonna pick a beat from a fan for MM4. The night of the listening session, I sent Brandon the Inception beat, and I remember everyone on the chat on BLogTV was gassing the shit out of the beat saying Joe should use it, and I’ll never forget, Brandon said on the stream “Yo dark night, you fumbled the shit outta this, the intro was crazy, and then the beat dropped and you fumbled.” To this day I still don’t know what changed, but a couple days later, Brandon tweeted “hey someone sent me a beat called Inception a few days ago if you see this please hit me ASAP.” I saw the tweet, told Brandon that was me, and he DM’d saying he was in the studio right now with Joe, asked could I send him that beat again. I emailed him, Joe just so happened to be on BlogTV while this all happened, so I was watching the stream while DM’ing Brandon Next thing I know after I send the beat, Brandon gets on the stream, they mute it. I see Joe put headphones on, he starts nodding to whatever he was listening to, making the sickest stink face, and then Brandon emailed me back saying they were gonna use the record and asked if I could just make the drums more dynamic.”

 

5). Do you have a favorite of the ones you’ve helped produce in his career or one that you’re most proud of?

“I know it’s cliche, but they all hold a special place in my heart, I’d say the ones that stand out most though are “Inception”, since it was my actual first placement, “My Time”, since it was my first commercial placement, and then “Unnecessary Pain” because that’s my favorite song we’ve done together and what in my opinion is our best song together.”

 

6). Are there any other produced records outside of Joe’s music that you consider a favorite?

“Definitely my most recent placement with Jeezy & John Legend, “The Real MVP.” It’s a special record about mothers, and the response me & my brother Chigz got for it, was absolutely beautiful.”

 

7). 8 Bars and yourself have worked together for a number of years as well, how did you two get acquainted and what’s to be said about the chemistry you too have together? It seems a lot of the records you both touched during the “Love Lost” series really had an impact.

“8 went to high school with my older brother, so like I had touched on earlier, I met 8 when I was only 12. He was always over at the house, and he’s always been like an additional older brother to me. We’ve always been close, I consider him family. He’s a genius, like seriously a genius. Everything he touches he’s great at, but especially music. I have always tried to get on his level but I know I never will, he’s too great, lol. But once I started producing and actually became good at it, we just started collaborating on stuff, and we just worked nonstop during that “Love Lost” era for Joe’s albums. My only wish is that we would’ve gotten the opportunity to do a whole album for Joe produced entirely by us before he retired. I pitched Joe all the time on letting me EP an album for him, and to let 8 & I do a whole record, and we dabbled with the idea a bunch, but it just never came to fruition. Still holding out hope for the future when Joe returns to rapping tho, lol. I know that won’t be any time soon, but I believe Joe will rap again one day.”

 

8). What’s coming next for you? Who are you working with and is there anything to look out for in the coming months?

“Me & my guy Chigz have some stuff in the fire with a few artists. I don’t wanna jinx anything before it becomes official, because you just never know with the music industry, but we’re definitely working and I hope to have more stuff out very soon!”

 

9). Lastly, I appreciate your assistance with being able to push out the “Unnecessary Pain” version featuring Emanny. Hopefully, you have some pull in the future with other unreleased records! haha. Thanks for taking the time to do this. A lot of the behind the scenes work y’all did, made the songs incredibly special for many, including myself. 

“Haha thank you for listening & supporting always, and I will always advocate and do my best to get any unreleased stuff actually released. We have a bunch of records with Joe in the vault and I really hope they see the light of day sometime.”

 

You can follow Jared Azaziah on Twitter and Instagram: @Darknightmusic

View Part One of the EQB Interview Series with @Slvter here.

“The Overall Sense of Struggle & Survival” – @abucalves

“Top 5 dead or alive, and that’s just off one LP”

This line uttered by Jadakiss for a long time described one of my personal top 5, Joe Budden.

In 2019, Joe is one of the most influential people in the world of hip-hop. His twice-weekly podcast is one of the first outlets people to turn to when they want to hear discussion on the latest happenings in hip-hop But in 2003, Joe Budden was an up and coming rapper releasing his debut album.

In a post Get Rich or Die Tryin world, journalists described everyone as their label’s answer to 50 Cent. Freeway was the Roc’s, Cassidy was Ruff Ryders’ and Joe Budden was Def Jam’s. This was a purely superficial comparison, as sometimes the only connection between 50 and those artists was mixtapes.

Joe’s debut album came hot off the heels of a mixtape run, started off on DJ Clue tapes then expanding. His freestyles gained attention from iconic record label Def Jam, who put his street single Focus on the classic game Def Jam Vendetta. His next single, Pump It Up, was a smash…

Those who picked up the album based on the freestyles and singles might have been surprised by what they heard. Instead of opening with an upbeat, punchline heavy track, Intro featured a brooding track with moody guitars with the opening lines exhibiting the honesty that Joe would become known for

“The time is finally near, it’s getting closer I’m finally scared,”

What followed this was 14 more songs, some of club songs, some girl songs, but what stood out to me was the introspective tracks. I remember first listening to this album, I didn’t know anything about Joe, beyond his appearance on Def Jam Vendetta. Someone told me he could get me a copy and got me a bootleg of the album. After the intro, the next song that stood out to was Walk With Me. Another gloomy beat, asks listeners to come and walk with him as he laments on the paranoia following his signing, from old friends and long lost family members trying to get on, to the suspicion he was going through his old hood, as more and more people begin to recognize him.

On the second verse, many of the themes that we have heard from Joe both as a rapper and a personality crop up. He reveals some of the issues he has with his baby mother, and we even get a mention of his son Trey

“If you met my baby moms would you notice
If she was ready for a child of if her ass had an ulterior motive
I don’t know what she’s teaching Trey but everday he get older
Angie’s bitter and feel like now that I’m successful I owe her
Cause she would hold me so tight when I was ready to relapse
Tell me to relax, I ain’t know no better straight out of rehab
Bottom line I was lonesome
But we was wrong for each other, Angie I grown some”

Seeing Joe reconcile with his son has been one of the highlights of seeing him mature in front of our eyes. The next part of the verse deals with his relationship with Def Jam, which would go on to become tumultuous following this album.

“Got bigger issues, if you went to Def Jam would you notice
If they was out for my best interest or do they just see a dollar in Joseph?”

16 years later, this is something Joe is still dealing with. This past year on the podcast, he spoke about how the label is treating Future, that this is someone who is potentially going through serious issues, but his record label is using it as a marketing ploy. Joe throughout his career has been concerned for artists over the machine, and this was evidenced as far back as the first album.

The next highlight for me is Calm Down. Across some emotional keys and horns (what more can you ask for from a beat? Flutes? Unleash the flutes on ‘em Guru) Joe pens a letter to his mum, at first blaming her for his addiction, but by the end of the song recognising that she would always be there for him, showing gratitude for all the support and the praying his mum did for him.

3 songs later is what might be my favorite and a song I feel gets forgotten about because of the song that follows and that is “Stand Up Nucca.” For 48 bars Joe relays different scenarios of people who beat the system, some of my favorites being:

“And run from the cops cause you know the streets better”

“Pop can’t be found, hand me down
When you the oldest out of five, hold the family down”

“Got charged before, strap a gun anyway
Took the state’s lawyer, but you won anyway”

Joe closes the verse with a line that I made my MSN screen name for the longest time

“Stand up cats beat the odds by far
Real recognize real, R.R.R”

On the intro to the song Joe says

“It’s not an introduction, it’s more like a beginning
It’s like the calm before the storm
I guess you can sorta call it, the rebirth
Or the birth period… it’s the growth.”

The Growth was set to be the follow up to this album but was delayed by Def Jam and was never released. Growth is an interesting word to use for someone like Joe Budden, who some of us have seen grow and mature over these past 16 years. So while the album never came out, Joe’s career following this album has been growth.

Stand Up Nucca leads directly into 10 Minutes, which is considered one of the classic Joe Budden tracks. Presented as Joe opening up while on a 10 minute smoke break, he speaks on his father’s incarceration, spitting a line that would echo around my head for years:

“Some days I don’t wanna be bothered
Some days I just miss my father”

The last verse sees Joe baring his soul, describing an affair with a married woman. We get a snippet of the story and we are promised to get an update on a later mixtape track

“Then the mistress, yeah, the girl from “10 Minutes,” it’s her
Now I’m needin’ 10 minutes from her
I can’t get into it, but I want y’all to know
That I’ll get into it, but I’ll save that for The Growth”

While the album came out, this longstanding narrative we have seen of Joe Budden is partially why people are so drawn to his music. Through various mediums, we have seen his life play out over 16 years. The honesty he exhibits is why Joe has such a passionate fanbase, there are people who have seen him at his very worst, so when we see things like him reconciling with his son, his picture with Hov, him getting the Spotify deal, a part of us is there with him. And Joe has always been very upfront about it.

And how does a white, British teenager relate to Joe Budden? On the surface not at all, after all, I had not gone through any of the experiences that 23-year-old Joe had been through at the age of 13. But the overall sense of struggle and survival is something that resonated with me. My dad passed away in the year 2000, I was just 11 years old. The following years were odd, to say the least, you are in a particularly weird place following the loss of a parent, especially in those formative years. So his music, while maybe not speaking on issues directly affecting me, had an overarching sentiment of enduring through it all, and that always stuck with me.

With this album, Joe Budden went into my top 5. Following the album, Joe released Mood Muzik. For many who had only heard Pump It Up, these mixtapes were a shock to the system, but for those who had picked up his debut (even if it was a bootleg), we knew this introspective music was always part of his sound. This willingness to share meant Joe would become a major influence on the current sound of hip hop, even if people don’t acknowledge it.

If you’re interested in sharing a story on how music affected or changed your life, or you just want to speak to the people, you can submit it here.

“It Took Me To A Place Of Peace…” (@olyounginjared)

Alright, I’m a 21-year-old white kid from the little known place of Newfoundland & Labrador Canada. It’s a disappointing place filled with drug addicts & crime. Nothing to really do & no one doing anything with their lives. Our weather is in the negatives 75% of the year, so mental health issues are huge here.

I was super late to Joe Budden fan base. I heard All Love Lost the April of my senior year. It was a super tough year for me… I lost all my friends, I was fighting addiction & suicide, my parents were going through this really fucked up divorce, my father could get a lil’ abusive.

When I heard what Joe was saying in these records it blew my mind, it took me to a place of peace for some time. Fast forward to February of graduating, I finally kicked my addiction (just got the three-year mark), but I lost my job due to travel issues so I had to go on unemployment & never got outta the crib much. I would take walks around the city & blast that album from beginning to end as a way to cope.

I found the podcast maybe March of graduating & was enthralled by the antics & honest convos. I haven’t missed an episode since. They’ve helped me through super dark times. My moms’ new marriage is falling apart & ruining our living situation, work continues to be super tough & toxic. I put them on tho & it makes everything a lil’ easier, even if I don’t laugh, they all just help me.

I’m so thankful for y’all & look up to y’all more then I’d like to admit. The things you do for all of the fans is incredible.

 

If you’d like to submit your story and how music helped you, Joe Budden or not, you can do so here.

View the last blog post in which I interviewed Jared Azaziah, also known as @Darknightmusic, who helped produce a number of Joe Budden records and more: https://bit.ly/2QvmQl3

An EQB Interview Series | Part 1 Feat. @Slvter

With the first interview of the series, I wanted to get some insights surrounding my favorite podcast as well as his own. I wanted to break up the monotony of the blog a little bit and bring something different and new to it. I enjoy interviewing people in general in casual conversations and getting their thoughts behind the scenes. Everything is conducted and scripted by myself. I hope you enjoy it because I know I enjoyed listening to what Savon had to say. Hopefully, I can continue to do this moving forward.

How and when did you get started being involved with The Joe Budden Podcast?

Savon: “I started working with Joe for what has been about two years now and honestly I just reached out on Twitter. I was working at a warehouse, I just finished college and I didn’t really know what I wanted to do. I was a really big fan of the podcast just as a listener and there was a stretch where they kept saying they needed an intern on the podcast and I felt like there were a lot of holes that I might be able to fill. Just something small where I could contribute to writing the descriptions and doing the timestamps, that’s what it really started as. I tried to implement clips, get the social media pages going and there were just a lot of things I thought I could do for the podcast to help bring it to that next level in a sense.”

Was there a moment in time or story you can share when you realized how special the Joe Budden Podcast was to people?

Savon: “I can’t say that there was one exact moment when I realized how special it was to the people only because I viewed myself as a part of the people. It’s not like I have any of the industry connections or I met Joe through a label or anything like that, I was the people. When I realized that it was a really big deal even before it became super mainstream, it was when they would miss an episode or wouldn’t put out an episode and it fucked my whole day up! That’s where I realized I needed to hear what they were saying, I didn’t want to miss the content and even after I finished listening I was like damn I need more that’s when I realized it was a big thing to the people. As far as moments go, the tour sold out super quick last time and that’s where you just kind of sit back and say, damn… that’s crazy.”

After these last couple of years being able to work with Joe, Rory, Mal, Parks, Erikson, Ian, and many others with the JBP… What has been the biggest takeaway for you in what you’ve been able to learn from them and use moving forward?

Savon: “Damn, that’s a tough question. After the last couple of years working with the guys, I’ve really learned so much from all of them, to be honest. Obviously with Joe, him being a fearless leader, I don’t know if people really realize the commitment that he’s put in and not just him it’s all of the guys, but he sets the tone for us. When his mood is up, we’re up. When his mood is down, we’re down. When he’s in that spirit of “we’re gonna have a great show no matter what”, it gets done. I think that’s what I’ve learned the most from Joe. Being a leader is infectious and it’s not easy at all to lead a group of men who all feel different ways and have different ideas.

Rory is the one who is the closest age to me. To see where he is at in his career and his business and how he juggles the podcast and D’USSÉPALOOZA, he never makes excuses. He is always on time and he’s just about his fucking business. I look up to Rory a lot and I want to model myself after how he moves in a businessman aspect.

Mal….. is the coolest nigga in the world. Simple as that. Not only is he cool, but he’s real. He’s gonna tell you how he feels, he’s going to tell everybody how he feels and he’s unapologetic with that and rightfully so. With him, I’ve learned how to kinda just coast sometimes and I mean that by him saying and showing that “Look, you don’t always have to speak on everything, just relax.”

Parks is just smart. Parks is smart in business, creatively… and he’s super detailed. I guess it kind of has to be that way in his profession but I’ve learned to pay attention to detail from him because he really does that.

Ian is just a genius. Ian is fearless and I guess that’s why he and Joe work together and work the same. He’s never going to back down and he’s always going to make sure Joe and the guys are pushing the needle forward, never going backward and trying to take it bigger. He does NOT stop working. I have never seen a work ethic like him, he is crazy. I tell him like “yo bro relax”, and he doesn’t. He’s nuts and never quits going, so that’s really what I’ve taken from him.

And Keeb! I could never forget about Keeb. He mentored me on how to navigate and be a better human. He was the greatest person I could’ve been placed with in life honestly. He’s real with his shit and he’s been around. He’s going to tell you the truth and tell you how to do things and it’s no excuses and no bullshit. Nicest guy in the world, but if you fuck with him he’s gonna let you know he’s not the person to fuck with. Keeb is my guy.”

If I would have told you five years ago that you would have your own podcast and be able to work with The Joe Budden Podcast, what would your response have been?

Savon: “Honestly… I wouldn’t be surprised. I’ve been working on my own podcast for a long time and I always believed in myself. Let me not say I knew I would be with Joe Budden, but I know I would be with somebody who is prominent in the podcasting game. I believe in manifesting things and the law of attraction, that’s a real thing. You put things into the air, you study, you work hard, you believe… And I am a product of it, it can happen. So, I’m not really surprised that it has happened but I’m more so surprised at how fast this has happened. It kind of happened overnight in a sense, but I was prepared for the moment. I put in all the work, so when I did get the opportunity I would be ready for it. Nobody had to teach me to work certain software, nobody had to teach me to upload a podcast because I had already done it. It was my own, on a smaller level and a smaller scale but I put in so much work up until the point of meeting Joe and the guys that I was ready when I had that moment. Again, I’ve always believed in myself so I’m not really surprised honestly, as cliche as that shit sounds. I’ve been working on my podcast for close to three, maybe almost four years now so that’s something that I’m also surprised with the success of it and how much it’s growing. Some of these things I’ve manifested and believed the last few years but let me not get it twisted, I am grateful for it.”

The Need to Know Podcast, how did you meet Alex and Steph? What were the early conversations like early on in wanting to start a podcast and how long did it take to come to fruition? How long did it take to get chemistry?

Savon: “I met Alex in college where me and him had a few classes together but I’m a little bit older so we didn’t cross paths too much. We worked on a senior project that he had asked me to be on and I know I asked him to be on one of my school projects and we just gelled. It was an instant mesh but when I had approached him about the podcast, he was more into film and TV so he dubbed me. He told me no, I’m not interested in doing a podcast and basically told me to get the fuck out of here. I ended up starting the podcast with some other guy that I no longer work with and then once I got the opportunity with Joe I felt like, damn it’s time to revamp my podcast and start it again because this could be a nice opportunity. Since I had gotten rid of my old partner, I asked Alex again if he changed his mind. He was on board, he was just as hungry as me, his work ethic matched mine, so it was a perfect fit.

We always knew we wanted a third voice on the podcast but we knew we didn’t want it to be another black man. We wanted a different perspective whether it was white, asian, latin; it didn’t matter. We just wanted a different voice who could break up a different viewpoint from me and Alex who are young black male millennials. We looked around for a little bit and then our previous/old videographer introduced us to Steph and she was just a guest. But based off that first episode, we knew she was the one. The chemistry was there, she was smart and witty, she wasn’t afraid to be opinionated and speak her voice in a room with two men and sometimes even more men depending on the guest. She just stood out and I knew she would be a star and be special.

Honestly, I still don’t feel like the podcast is where we want it to be. I don’t even know if I can say it is in fruition yet. I don’t feel the effects, or maybe I’m just ten toes down at the moment that I can’t see it. But, I feel like we still got some work to do before I can really say we’ve arrived with podcasting but hopefully we can get there.

Trying to figure out who we were as people was the harder part than the on-air chemistry which was almost immediate, maybe 2-3 episodes in. We knew it was special but I think since I didn’t know Steph and didn’t really know Alex, some of the behind the scenes conversations we had to figure out who we were as people. Once we were able to do that and once I understood who Steph was and who Alex was and vice versa, that’s when the on-air chemistry was able to blossom a little bit more. I would say when we really hit a stride when we got into the episodes in the ’40s and ’50s. The chemistry is getting better every week and we haven’t really looked back since.”

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Is there a challenge for you three daily to come up with different and creative ways to discuss topics that the JBP or other podcasts may speak on?

Savon: “It’s a little bit of a challenge sometimes depending on the news week, but I think I’ve made it a conscious effort of implementing certain things that Joe doesn’t do or that he doesn’t want to do such as engaging with the listeners on a weekly basis. We do a relationship or advice segment. We embrace guests on our podcast and most of our guests are sort of unknown so we really don’t pull from high profiles or anything like that. There’s a lot of subtopics that go by the wayside that Joe doesn’t touch on or even some political topics that we feel confident in talking about. At one point it was really tricky, but now we’ve all figured out this is what Joe has touched on and went in-depth with. If it’s a big topic we’ll obviously discuss it but we’re not going to make it the main focal point because it’s always tricky when people are going to listen to his content and hopefully trickle to ours, you don’t want it to be the same topics and opinions. So yeah I would actually say it’s a bit of a challenge when you think about it.”

Where do you envision yourself, Alex, and Steph and The Need to Know podcast two years from now?

Savon: “Man, in two years I’m hoping we’re doing live shows and we get some merch and a bigger team and we get signed since we’re independent right now. Shit, I hope for all of this in the next year but definitely in the next two years to have a lot of these things that some of the bigger podcasts have established. I want to put out more content instead of just doing podcasts. Eventually, I would like me, Alex, and Steph to get to a level like the Migos. Meaning, we’re a conglomerate when we get together. We are the foundation of what we do with the three of us together but I want all three of us to be able to do our own things as well; But the foundation of who we are and what we do in this business for the foreseeable future, will always be together as The Need To Know Podcast.”

What would you say have been the biggest challenges for you in the past few years?

Savon: “Scheduling. I think especially during tour time it gets really tough I have to miss a lot of episodes for The Need To Know Podcast. I live really far too which sucks and it’s nobody else’s fault but mine. I’m working on trying to move out but it’s just about trying to create enough income to take that leap. I live about an hour away from pretty much everything so I think my biggest obstacle is my location. It’s been tough but also scheduling gets rough. Right now I’m in a good space but I know when tours kick back up, the traveling, the jet lag and remaining healthy. Health has been something I’ve been conscious of because when you’re on the road you can eat like shit easily without even knowing it because you’re just familiar with certain things. I think now that I’ve done one tour and have been to a few other places, trying to perform while running around backstage… There’s a certain level of preparing yourself for those situations.”

What advice would you give to someone who wants to start their own podcast?

Savon: “I get asked this question a lot and it really depends on the type of podcast you want to do. There are some that do podcasts that are a singular host. If you’re doing a podcast like that just be ready to invest your time, your resources, and yourself but at some point, you will need a team whether it’s someone who is good visual effects, or maybe someone who provides artwork and graphic design. You just always gotta have people who are on the same page as you. I think that’s been the biggest thing for me. I was doing a podcast before I got with Joe and I just didn’t have the right people around me and they didn’t take it as serious. Maybe they didn’t see it or whatever the case was, but once I met Alex and Steph and some of the other people who help me do the podcast it’s been easier and it’s been a relief.

Anybody who wants to start a podcast, make sure whoever you start the podcast with whether it’s on-air or behind the scenes, make sure they take it as seriously as you and they believe as much as you because that is pretty much the only way these things can be successful. There is not a lot of income involved with them. If you’re doing a podcast faithfully, it’s because you believe in it and you love it but just make sure the people you work with love it just as much as you. It gets daunting. It’s not easy, especially if you’re trying to put out content every week and on a regular basis.”

You can find The Need To Know Podcast on Spotify here: https://spoti.fi/2MSePD4
Follow The Need To Know Podcast on Twitter and Instagram at @NeedToKnowPod

You can follow Savon on Twitter at @Slvter along with Instagram @SavonSlvter
Alex from The Need To Know Podcast on Twitter and Instagram at @balltillwefall
Steph from The Need To Know Podcast on Twitter and Instagram at @StephStyuhls

The Joe Budden Podcast Exclusively on Spotify can be found here: https://spoti.fi/2nYnqMm

-EQB

The @JoeBuddenPod Live Experience (@JoeBudden, @ThisisRory, @Mal___, @parksmusic, @Slvter, & @Ian_Schwartzman)

There are not many people out there who you can describe the experience or adventure of going to a live podcast, especially one that I and many have been entrenched with for quite some time. I ran into someone on the street on my way to the Atlanta venue with my “Do We Have Sleepers?” T-Shirt on. Immediately got questions about what my shirt said and where I was going including the kicker question to cap off the short-essay I felt like I was answering, “Is Joe Budden actually going to be there?”

There were so many awkward questions back-to-back-to-back that I didn’t know how to answer and really describe, because for those people who didn’t already understand; wouldn’t, no matter how long I sat there to explain it. I mean shit there’s 243 episodes in and numerous live pods already in the books and plenty more to come.

First things first, I had never been to Tabernacle before. Fuck the traffic in Atlanta by the way, but that venue is downright incredible and it was all setup just perfectly. Crowded in some areas, but I was taken back by it overall with how the place looks and is laid out. That for me, plays a lot into the experience alone. I was maybe no further than three steps into the venue when I grabbed a beer (because obviously). I had the opportunity to chop it up with Savon and Ian for a bit prior to the podcast and was absolutely humbled that I got to do so. They work harder than anyone in the fan base really gives them credit for and they don’t ever stop working. Ever.

(Goes to the bar for liquor because again, obviously).

Now is where I’m being led to my seat as I enter the floor level and walk down to the second row of this place, and it. is. packed. Three different levels, the second level curls around to the sides of the stage. I mean the crowd was electric from the moment I sat down. Everyone I ran into and met were super nice people. It was just like we were all attending this big family gathering. Podcast or not, it’s pretty cool to see that many people in attendance for one of my favorite rappers ever. This was different.

Lights go down, a couple cartoon intro videos to loosen up the crowd and then man, the chills I got when they all walked out on stage. A loud standing ovation to the group of four guys who I’ve listened to twice a week for 4-5+ hours for who knows how long. Maybe being close to the stage had a difference, but through the whole night it just felt like you were kicking back with the guys enjoying conversation and laughs. The first topic of the night started off with finger-banging women on Ferris Wheels so like I said, people on the street wouldn’t understand, lol.

The night was filled with laughs. Just like most of the podcasts themselves do for me on a given week, Wednesday night in a major way allowed me to forget about everything else that was going on in my life. It was an escape where I got to spend time with my non-family family. And if you are curious, they do not miss a beat in live shows. The jokes and the random conversations just like we hear through Spotify, 110% translate to the stage and with an audience there to enjoy all the random fuck-shit, it made it all that much more enjoyable. Shout out to you, Atlanta.

For the Love of Mal, Truth or Truth, and the Q&A segments just added to the overall enjoyment. Then the podcast ends, which all the sudden brings on this moment of emptiness, lol. It’s not a normal ending to any live show either. Joe, Mal, Parks, and Rory all hung around on stage and dapped up and spoke to people who came up to say hello. This probably happened for a good 10-15 minutes until security stepped in. There must have been about 50 people crowding the edge of the stage solely where Joe was located as I tried to make my way through the mass of people. I experienced a real cool thing and it wasn’t even anything I was involved with. Joe shook hands with someone and began talking to him and as the conversation continued, Joe sat down indian style (because of course he did, this story wouldn’t be accurate if he didn’t) to speak with the guy. Despite the people around him shouting his name and reaching for handshakes, Joe had his full attention on the conversation for about 90 seconds in full. The same went for the rest of the other guys as I walked around. They engaged in convos with the fans and connected. It wasn’t just a high-five line.

To see in-person the effect that those four gentlemen had on people was incredible. It is a very different experience than what we have on Twitter and social media together as friends. It was worth every minute of my time and the four hour drive I took. Again, fuck you Atlanta traffic. I recommend anyone who has the opportunity to make this happen, pull the trigger. I did not get a picture with anyone there but the moments created in those few hours overshadowed anything else for me. I hope to make it happen again in the near future.

I shied away at asking something during the Q&A segment but I’ve wanted to ask each of them if there is a specific moment when they’ve been on tour where they realized how special this platform was and what they have created.

I mean just think, a live PODCAST – SELLING OUT – in some of the biggest cities across all of the U.S.

That’s crazy…

The thank you’s mean more than you know Joe, Rory, Mal, Parks, Savon, Erikson, and Ian. What y’all are providing for the people is special, and I’m just happy to be one of those friends of the show.

-EQBe

“Truth Be Told…” (@acelucky)

“Truth be told, God been lookin’ out so much rhat I feel guilty when I ask him for more.”

Where do I start?

The year is 2003 and its summer and I’m about to be a senior in high school and CD’s are still a thing now, and the first time I came across Joe Budden music was yup you guessed it ‘Pump it up’. You couldn’t run away from that song at that time especially since they play that song a lot for warm-up music during high school sports. So, I bought the album and was blown away by how different his commercial singles compare to his album songs. Songs such as ‘Walk with me’ and one of my personal favorites 10 minutes spoke to me. From the first album I’ve been a day one fan, I like the fact Joe has said the things I’ve always wanted to say when it comes to dealing with depression, anxiety, relationship, and the everyday struggle of life (pun intended).

So, I go to college in the fall of 2004 waiting for the next Joe Budden. Come to find out that Joe got stuck in the Def Jam limbo with no new project coming out. A year later just browsing through my normal hip-hop websites I find out that Joe released Mood Musik 2, so of course, I downloaded the mixtape and Joe again proved why he is one of my favorite rappers. The standout tracks in my eyes where Are you in that mood yet? If I die tomorrow, Three sides to a story, Dumb out. I could name more songs of that mixtape but Joe delivered on Mood Musik 2.

So fast forward to 2007, it was a rough year for me. I wasn’t going to graduate in time due to all the partying and women chasing I was doing. The people who I thought were my friends weren’t really my friends in my time of need. I’ll spare the details but Mood Musik 3 got me through that tough period. I took two years off from school to sort my life out and mature as a person. I eventually graduated from college in 2010, and I took the worse job you can take for a person with a college degree. I got an overnight shift where I work from 3pm-12am and I had to work on the weekends.

Can you imagine being 24 years old and having to work overnight and have no social life? During that time my state of mind was not in a good place, I was missing out on life and was depressed. All I did was go to work and come home I barely saw my friends due to my work schedule. And just like clockwork Joe dropped Mood Musik 4 which came in at the right time for me. I don’t know how he does it but Mood Muzik 4 got me through that dark period. I eventually left that place and got a better job that has allowed me to have a life.

To wrap this up I’ve been fortunate to see Joe live twice once with Slaughterhouse and another by himself when was still dating Kaylin. I don’t know if he will ever read this but Joe, thank you for the impact you have made in my life and others who suffer in silence when it comes to mental health especially in the African American community where mental health is a big stigma. I hope more and people find your music and can get through their challenges in life as you have done for so many others. I’m happy that you found happiness with Cyn and your relationship with Trey has gotten better.

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Feelings I Can’t Explain (@ohshitamexican)

The first song I ever heard by Joe Budden (aside from Pump It Up) was Devil In My Room. I found it by searching for songs featuring Crooked I. 

For over 11 years now I’ve been struggling with depression, anxiety and suicidal thoughts. Hearing Joes verse and how that song was put together opened up the door for me to his music and his art. It all hit close to home, I continued that night downloading all his work and listening and breaking down lyrics.

I think i was a sophomore in high school at the time. I remember the second time I wanted to kill myself, I was in my car, on the highway that goes through the mountains playing Runaway, every word was hitting me, I was going 95 on a 55, ready to hit the wall and go off that mountain. I couldn’t even see the road, I remember tears and yelling and the feeling like I couldn’t breathe and the feeling of “I’m really about to do this.”

Before I knew it I was already back on the regular roads, I didn’t even realize I “missed” my opportunity… I kept driving for another 3 hours playing that song. I felt so alone but yet, I felt like someone understood the pain and the feeling of that loneliness.

The first time, I wanted to kill myself, Only Human was on, I have battled with my belief in God, I’m still unsure of where I stand. But that entire song, broke me down. Everything I couldn’t explain, was explained in that song. The conversations with his mother, the hook Emanny, had I dont think many understand not having faith, but praying for someone or something to come help you and lift you up and make you stronger.

You ever been to the point where you are hysterical? where you are laughing and have tears running down your face? where you have nothing but fear, because you’re afraid of yourself?

I was shaking, I was alone, but I had music.I had something to talk to me because i couldn’t talk to myself. I could go on and on and break down lyrics or songs by Joe that have helped me in dark times, even when I’ve just felt lost or confused with feelings i cant explain. 

But music is powerful, its an art that many take for granted. Im grateful for artist that use their platform to help rather than profit. I relate to this man and his music, failed relationships, caring too much for people that don’t seem to have that same energy for you, but at the same time hurting those who care about you and acknowledging that, yet still doing it.

I struggle till this day at the age of 21, with this feeling, trying to be strong for my loved ones. Seeing where Joe came from, seeing all he struggled with, seeing how hated he was, to seeing him be accepted by the mainstream community. Its great to see, seeing Cyn and him, compared to where he was with Tahiry and Kailyn, its refreshing. When I first heard “I Wanna Know” I couldn’t stop playing it, hearing the words “God this was more like the fucking love I was looking for” brought out such a raw emotion. I want that, and I wanna live to see that for myself.

I may never be able to tell this to Joe, but Thank You for helping us, and helping me.


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“All in My Head” (@jeffry13)

I got introduced to Joe Budden a bit later than most of the people did that have written these incredibly personal letters. I am writing this after being inspired by @eyequotebudden‘s letter, it was so open and got me into a headspace that a lot of Budden songs take us all to.
I found Joe at the No Love Lost album which, as most people feel, was by far the most commercial of his offerings and one that is not widely discussed. I wasn’t in a depressed state listening to this record but had gone through a lot of relationship issues which is where I found his records talking to me.
The First one that grabbed me was ‘You and I’. At that time I was dating my current wife and hadn’t exactly done the right thing by her at that point, this song spoke to a lot of the issues and baggage that we were going though, while also speaking to how I really felt about her. From that song I found Castles and most importantly “All in My Head”.
I had been a successful functioning addict/alcoholic for a long time and the first time I heard that song I must have played it 100 times. I had legit tears trying to come out on my ferry ride into my job in NYC. It was the first time felt I had someone experiencing the same shit as me and Joes ability to put those feeling into words on Runaway is probably the reason I still listen to as much content as I can get from him.
The fandom really set in and will never leave once I heard Some Love Lost. I don’t believe there is a more emotional, introspective or powerful song that I have ever heard than Only Human. The songs off SLL took me back through a really ugly, beautiful, painful, off and on relationship I had for over 7 years. To this day, other than maybe Reasonable Doubt, SLL is the album I’ve listened to the most.
These songs helped me deal with the lack of closure in my relationship, helped me be accountable for my actions towards my ex and most importantly value and treat my relationship with my future wife the right way.
To Joe Budden and all of his loyal fans all I can say is thank you. Reading the quoted lyrics, hearing his podcast with Rory and Mal and seeing his growth with his new son and Cyn really should be his biggest inspiration to us all. To be where he is now after listening to him talking about trying to write the suicide note on Only Human hopefully gives a lot of the fans out there dealing with depression or relationship issues a glimmer of hope. I am going into 2018 trying to really end my relationship with alcohol, I tried to stay away quoting a ton of lyrics but this one still hits home and I’m hopeful I can move past this vice to be a better Dad and husband.
All Love Lost intro “like when you can’t think, talking like you don’t drink but sneaking around your own kitchen cause you gotta get a swig in, I got issues weed and vodka will settle some ain’t that the pot calling the kettle one.
Lastly I have an old close friend that is struggling with depression. I am too far away to give him a hug everyday so I try to help from afar. He is a huge fan of heavy music that is surely not rap. I am hopeful he can find a couple Budden songs that may help make his day a bit better or at least show him there’s a lot of us out here dealing with this hurt and most importantly helping each other through it.

 

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“A Million More Pages…” (@RealLifeJulian)

I was about 13 when Pump It Up was BOOMING! Although I never really cared too much for the song or the artist. Shit at that time I was still figuring out what and who I liked in hip-hop. Little did I know, a freestyle that would be on Mood Muzik 2 would be the one to captivate me, and still it wasn’t for Joe. It was because Stack Bundles killed his 6 Minutes Of Death verse.

Fast forward a couple years, I’m 17 years old, and I think I have a pretty good grip on the world. This is around the time we could only hear a snippet of “Roll Call” for Mood Muzik 3. Before this, I knew Joe for beefing with and dissing everybody so hearing him come at Siagon was nothing new, but I wanted to hear the bars aimed at him.

But right before this, over the summer of ’07, the girl I was in a relationship with confessed to cheating on me. I was devastated, but none the less I wanted to be with her so I figured we’d make it work. It was a tough, very tough summer. But I got through it because of Joe. I can’t remember exactly what made me turn to his music but I can remember what song reeled me in, “Broken Wings”. It was everything I needed to hear at that moment in my life. Raw, rugged, true pure emotion! It wasn’t like anything else out at the time nor was it like anything I had ever heard before.

“If you don’t feel what the pencil frisks, then 8 times outta 10 you ain’t been through shit”

The very next song on that mixtape I found Broken Wings on was “Where Did We Go Wrong”…. needless to say those two songs were everything to me that summer. If it wasn’t for those songs I probably would’ve spent a lot of my time in the house feeling sorry for myself. It amazed me how one artist could put these emotions into a song and let the world know how vulnerable he was. And to have it be so relatable… that was amazing. It’s like Joe knew me, he knew what was going on in my life, and knew exactly what I wanted to say but couldn’t find the words. HE understood me.

Once Mood Muzik 3 was out, that was it, I became a fan. THAT was the project that made me a believer. Still to this day that’s my favorite of the 4. Hiatus was amazing to me, then Dear Diary, like I said it was everything I wanted to say but I couldn’t. I was still with this girl at the time and as I would walk to or from her house, Mood Muzik 3 was my soundtrack. It was on one of those walks I really listened to “All Of Me” and I couldn’t help but feel like I shouldn’t be so upset about my life. But that’s easier said than done right.

Fast forward to my senior year, 08-09, MM3 was still heavily in rotation. My girl, that cheated on me, left me for kissing another girl that summer. I couldn’t handle that. I wanted her in my life much I used to fake being sick just so she would talk to me, or be nice to me. That roller coaster of emotions would last until I graduated that June.

Yet and still after that and a brand relationship, Joe was released Mood Muzik 4. I was 20 working at Foot Locker. I’m in there one night and long behold one of the songs come on from that tape. I’m looking around like what is going on nobody listens to Joe. My assistant manager, Erik, goes “you fuck with Joe?!” I’m like “yeah that’s my favorite rapper”…. we bonded over his music. We got close because of what this man meant to us. I can remember back in 2014, I was living in Plattsburgh NY at the time for school and I seen Joe posting about a show back home in Albany.

I messaged Erik and asked if he was going we chatted for a little bit and that was it. Never heard from him again. I graduated college in December 15 and went back home. A couple months pass and I’m listening to All Love Lost realizing I have t spoke to Erik in a long time, so I messaged him on fb telling him to hit me up, after a couple days of not hearing from him I go in his page to news that he had taken his own life literally a month before.

(Erik, you were a great person, I hope you are at peace now. Rest easy my boy, save me a seat, and when I see you again… we still have to record that song!)

All Love Lost is significant to me because it came out at the perfect time for me, you guessed it, a break-up. I had been with this girl (M) for 5 years when I started entertaining the idea of sleeping with this other girl I worked with(X). To make a long story a little shorter, after about 6 months of talking to X on the side, me and M broke up and I moved out of our apartment. Still in college at the time, I moved in with some other co-workers for the remainder of the semester and the summer. X and I had spent so much time together we started dating.

Now mind you M and I had 5 years together so just throwing that away wasn’t that easy. So fast forward to the middle of October…. I’m living with X and her mother in their home when M texts me saying something to the matter of she was done reaching out to me and trying to give us one last chance.

I decided to go back with M, it was a no brainer to me. Packed all my stuff, and told X we were done, had a friend come get me and I was out. That week I took M out to dinner and we even spent a night over the weekend together. Then the very next week I got cocky and stupid. Thinking I would go out of college with a bang I decided it was smart to sleep with a random other girl I was working with. Two days later I was having dinner with M and making plans for a sleepover and dinner that Friday. Friday comes and X tells me she wanted to get a hotel room and have me hit it one last time. Great idea!

So I spend the night with this girl when I should’ve been with M. So now Saturday comes and somehow I got out of trouble with M and we do the sleep over and dinner that night instead. Sunday morning comes and WE are watching Rick Ross’ snap story and X texts me. At that time her name was princess with some emojis and M didn’t like that. We argued for a quick minute then I decided to leave and let her cool off for a couple hours.

1 hour later, X is on the phone with me yelling at me for being with M that night and how I was a scumbag for lying to the both of them. My phone was actually dying so I said I’d call back in a couple minutes when my phone was on the charger. Literally 4 minutes later I’m on FaceTime with X and she’s on her house phone with M. I could’ve died in that moment. My whole world had shattered in that moment. Every little secret was told to each other, I was finally backed into a corner I couldn’t get out of.

All Love Lost became my therapy for the next year and a half. I listened to that album EVERY SINGLE DAY! I thought about M everyday. Just one more chance is all I needed I learned my lesson for real. But I knew she would never speak to me again. I fucked up big time. Prior to her even reaching out listening to “Where Do We Go” and “unnecessary pain” both brought tears to my eyes, the songs matched the fall of our relationship and both first verses were how I was feeling exactly. It was during these days that I didn’t just say joe was my favorite artist, but also my therapist. Every single song on that album felt like was mad specifically for me. But I’m sure that’s how we all felt right?

In April 2016 I lost my grandmother to cancer, The only grandparent I was close to. “Love For You” got me through that weekend with family crying and my mother being broken. It was like Joe speaking about his grandfather was the only person I could relate to. I turned to drugs during this time. Started doing cocaine heavily. I only mention this because after 6 months I got off the stuff.

I knew I was headed for a dark place when I sat in my closet with just my plate of coke and when I ran out I got angry my dealer didn’t have more. I went back to MM4. “Sober Up”, and “Black Cloud”, much like everyone else, spoke to me except this time it had a whole new meaning as I had a whole new perspective.

Seeing him live for “The Final Tour” was nothing short of amazing. I cried when he did half the first verse from “Hiatus”. And even though I went to that BB Kings show alone, when we all got in that room it was like being in a room with family. All of us have been hurt in or lives and this mans music saved us and brought us all together. I still don’t think Joe understands just how powerful that is, and how influential he is on each and every single one of us. Shit, I even met some people I hold close to my heart from a BuddenHive group chat. That in itself is amazing.

“A Million more pages, when my stupid ass keeps thinking I’m on the last chapter”

2017 was a great year for me by far. Most importantly M and I decided to give it one more shot. I got a state job that I’ve had for over a year now. Ironic that Joe says 2017 was his best year too. It was great to see the growth from when I became a fan to now. It’s great seeing him have a healthy relationship with Cyn, and a better relationship with Trey.

I wouldn’t say I have a song I relate to the most because there are several, but I’ll say the project I relate to the most is All Love Lost for obvious reasons. But if I had to narrow it down to one song, it’s either “Love For You” or “All Of Me”. And even though he’s done rapping, I’m sure I’m not the only one with wishes that he releases all that we haven’t heard yet. I think that’s all the closure we need as fans.

“Anybody out there relate to my pain, turn the music up let me know that I’m sane” ….BuddenHive when you’re feeling empty and broken, just know, you aren’t alone. We’re all unique, but we all have something in common, we have all been through some type of pain, and Joe in one way or another saved our lives. I would say that’s pretty damn special.

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Check out the previous story here.

Stuck In The Moment Then, Living In The Moment Now (@theLARGEpicture)

The one incident some may remember me speaking on Twitter some years ago was my suicide attempt. It occurred on November 5, 2000. I remember beating up someone up the day before over some stupid roasting over my skin color. I’ll be real with you, it felt good at the time. Aggression always gave me a sense of adrenaline and provided a sense of enjoyment during times of chaos and confrontation.

But that day I remember vividly. I was getting dressed for church to meet with my father to have service. It was after the walking to the altar for prayer, I knew then and there I wanted to kill myself. To a 13 year old mind that was neglected by both parents for attention, nurturing, and consistent positive reinforcement, I was perfectly content with not waking up the next morning. As I sat back to my seat in the pews and the rest of the sermon was said by my pastor, I was smiling ear to ear. My father seemed confused as to why I looked so happy, but was ecstatic about me being into church for a change. The service ends and he drops me off at my Mom’s house.

I go to my room alone, load my gun that I borrowed from a friend of mine, and sealed a pre-written note in an envelope for my last goodbye. I took a deep breath with tears running down my face and began a countdown. 5….4….3….2….1, BANG! The gun goes off! It jammed. It fucking jammed. Let it be me to mess up a plan for my demise. I cocked the hammer back again and held the gun to my head and pulled the trigger again. At the same exact time the trigger was being squeezed, my mother runs in the room after seeing and hearing a flash in my dark lit room.

The bullet grazed my head and dropped to the floor as she grabbed me. She was crying tears wondering “what were you doing?”, “how did you get a gun?”, and “were you pointing at yourself?” I simply answered in a rage of emotion “Nobody cares if I live or die, so why not just end it already?!” From the 1st time, she understood what I’ve been trying to tell her for years: That I am not ok and have been this way for a good while. After some years of ups and downs, I actually got worse with my anger towards others and decided to not express my emotions again.

Fast forward to high school, where I was the “goon” from the hood that everyone knew would pop off at the drop of a hat and immediately moved when he came walking near your way. I used to be proud many people would leave me alone because I wasn’t for interpersonal interactions at the time.

From taking my 31 in gang-banging, transitioning into ultra-aggressive behavior to not be a victim in my city (prominent for ignorance over rags), and being involved in bullshit to feed the ego of being tough, I ignored the harsh truth: I had a frown on my face because I felt NO ONE could understand how much pain I was enduring. So in my protection of masking my pain was to push away everyone who could possibly harm me and if I felt any indication of malicious intentions, I reacted with aggression immediately.

Now you after reading all of that, you are probably wondering what in the world does this have to do with Joe? Well let me tell you that pain has always been a measuring rod for my emotions for the day. Not as much internal pain = a good day, A lot of internal pain = a horrible day. This still rings true for me now. Every morning, I take a shower and I ask myself, “How are we feeling?”, and my answer determines how my attitude will be. Sometimes I would answer “I’m ok.” Other days, it would be “I’m doing better than I’m feeling”.

Joe was the one artist out of many I listened to that could put my true feelings in music as a man going through emotional and mental hardships that was uncommon in the African-American community. His Mood Muzik 4 mixtape help changed my whole outlook on life honestly. On his song, ‘Stuck in the Moment’, It was the very first song I cried to. I literally FELT every word he spit during that record.

I was on my college campus sitting in the back parking lot blasting that song crying my eyes out so hard that I didn’t attend class for the rest of the day. Afterwards, I wiped my face and I immediately felt better. It was the best I’ve felt in a very long time. I finally had a known artist who would probably never know my name or ever meet me to perfectly describe my exact feelings about family issues, relationships, depression, etc.

Going through that mixtape while revisiting his previous work of albums and tapes, I found myself thinking about my past dealings of life. From dealing with women and using them as a vice for temporary distractions to ignoring family members for falsely protecting myself from being hurt by them with expectations not being met. It made me think about my continuous rocky relationship with my father and how we are very much alike rather than different.

Everything began to make sense more than ever. Even with depression, it felt damn good to know it was ok not being ok. Whether it was through music or not, no one could paint the portrait of internal despair or disaster to vent other than Joe Budden. That feeling of relief alone, I owe so much to Joe. I have never been to a concert of his, even though it saddens me this experience may not be available again, because I would happily make the trip just to be around others like me, an extended family.

I thank Joe for so much, man. His authenticity. His courage. His rebel like attitude. His fearlessness. I thank him for all of that and more. He saved my life. He showed me it’s ok to not have it all together and be honest about it. Nowadays, I blast his music when I’m in a mood and it saddens me that we may never again get the most authentically vulnerable rapper to ever tell his stories again.

I overcame a lot of pain in my years. Some I caused upon others and most I caused upon myself and family in more ways than one. I’m went from a kid who didn’t even graduate high school (dropped out in 11th grade) to a man with a GED, a Bachelor’s degree, pledging a fraternity, and currently in graduate school for my MBA.

Life is looking up at my current state. I do still have my moments where my emotions may get too overwhelming, but now I embrace it more than run from it. I wouldn’t have learned that lesson without Joe Budden. His music will forever have a special place in my heart. Listening to his story over music, I am incredibly happy for him now with his reconciling his relationship of his first son back in his life and his new addition to his family, along with Cyn. She seems to inspire him in ways I haven’t seen from Joe, given his music and business ventures. Once again, THANK YOU JOE.

Hopefully the reader of this story can take their time to reflect this and many other stories with confidence that can share their tale as well. And remember: It’s ok to not be ok.

– Jay Sherman (@theLARGEpicture)

 

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